We have been blessed to have a couple in our lives that have been our best friends for years. We met through my husbands connection with him at work and quickly blossomed into a lifelong bond. We were together all the time. Cutting down trees and swinging from vines on a lot we were going to build a house on. Building a pole barn on their property from those same cedar trees we had cut. Celebrating everyones birthday with their favorite birthday cake from their Dairy Queen. The ongoing joking about his hair loss over the years. The fun we had during our weekly card games. Exploring new places together and taking some great vacations together. They were the godparents to our children. Our bond was so strong. Before long we were all “family”.
This picture is of the 4 of us at the celebration dinner for our 50th Anniversary. I am seated with my husband behind me. Our friends are behind me to my right. This was our last meal together and is my absolute favorite picture of us, all smiling and laughing and happy!
Suddenly in the middle of the night, the night before his 74th birthday, our best friend of almost 50 years had a medical emergency that was the start of a week long goodbye. It was like we were going in slow motion. Each day getting information from the medical professionals was the big IF. If the tests show positive improvement, if the head scan shows brain activity, if there is reaction to stimulation…..all if’s……not when…..if…..the days go slowly into the next.
I was unfortunately unable to be in Florida for most of the week. My husband was there with his wife, our other best friend and their son and daughter and granddaughter. I was geting videos and pictures of all of them trying to wake up our friend but to no avail. His eyes, although open some of the time, were lifeless and unfocused. His movements were to begin with encouraging but we soon learned they were reflex reactions, not purposeful or in response to stimulus.
Finally, on Friday, my daughter and I were able to fly to Florida to see him for one last time. The night we got there and were able to go in to see him was the hardest time of my life. This once vibrant, smart man was now curled up and unresponsive. He looked like he was sleeping but his breathing was heavy. It was a moment that I will never forget! Up until that moment I didn’t really believe what was happening. Now it was all too real. That weekend and the days since seem so strange. A huge part of our lives is missing. The number of times that I have picked up my phone to call him only to suddenly remember he isn’t here any longer is incredible. Slowly that has changed but the empty feeling has not.
His passing has made me clearly see that life is really very short and precarious. He often spoke about the yard stick of life being short and getting shorter. We would go through our daily lives without really thinking about the “what if’s” because those days are too far in the future. Then they are suddenly here and we are unprepared on how to deal with them. In looking back as we often do to try to find a reason why something has happened, we realized that he may have had a premonition that his end was near.
A heart attack 20 years ago redefined his life….and ours. We were always careful about dietary restrictions for him whenever we planned meals together. We always were there to help with the “heavy lifting” that goes on through life. I was always saying to him, “if you want to do something, do it! What are you waiting for?” But recently he started to “finish up” things that he hadn’t really planned on doing. New landscaping at a rental home that they own, new counter and backsplash in their condo were not essential but things that he felt he wanted to get done and they were all almost done before he left us.
Our retirement plans that we made together are now gone and our group of 4 is a group of 3. We try to hold on to some of our familliar routines as we carve out a new life as the 3 of us. Our weekly card game, although the same game is different now with only 3 players and without him interrupting the game to chat about life. But we enjoy being together and it helps with our sense of security to be together.
We make it a point to plan shopping days and continue with our tag sale days. We also plan meals together whether at a restaurant or a homemade meal. New Years Eve was bitter sweet but we got together for an Italian night. My husband, who thankfully likes to cook, made a delicious meal complete with background music that made you feel like you were in a restaurant in Italy….not a neighborhood in Florida!
As we grow from childhood into adult hood there is the expectency that our parents will pass before us. We don’t like to think about it. It’s a horrible reality to lose anyone but we know that the circle of life has them passing before we do. What doesn’t feel right is our peers and life long friends passing first. What I have done over these last few months is honor his memory by remembering the times with him, good, bad, funny, crazy times! We also cling to our memories as we and his wife all carve out a new life without him here but always in our hearts.
It has taken me a long time to be able to write this post. Even now as I am writing this and thinking about all of the time we spent together and the memories both good and bad, tears still come to my eyes. His untimely passing has brought home to me that my “What are you waiting for?”speech applies to me and my husband as well. It’s time to travel and experience things and enjoy the simple pleasures of life that have only been the maybes or the somedays. The someday is now…..before suddenly everything changes…..again.